Growing up I had two amazing friends. For me it's always been about quality not quantity.
They didn't go to school with me, or even live in the same town so we didn't see each other too regularly but it didn't matter. They were my best friends and I thought they always would be.
Sadly these friends didn't see me as a priority anymore and after continually chasing them and putting in all the effort I decided to give up. It broke my heart but it was something that naturally had to happen.
To this day it still breaks my heart that they are not a part of my life, or a part of my boys lives. I always thought they would be Aunty N and Aunty C...we were that close.
I loved them. LOVED. I still do in a way, even though I feel incredibly let down by them.
I've tried on many occasions to make friends now I'm an adult but find it incredibly hard.
I envy Charles for being able to just run up to children and start playing with them. Almost immediately igniting a friendship.
No needing to introduce yourself properly, giving back story.
No importance on appearance: fat, short, thin, tall, blonde, brunette, ginger...doesn't matter.
As an adult it seems so hard to be able to crack the shell and be able to break into new friendships.
To breakdown and work out the differences between wanting a friendship or simply wanting to be friendly.
I need new friends.
I need reliable friends.
Friends who care.
Who want to be friends.
Who nag me to meet up.
Who want to be with me.
My friendships at the moment seem to follow a pattern of being convenience for the other person.
By that I mean contacting when it suits them, seeing me when it suits them. Everything is to suit them. Never at what suits me.
I drop everything for my friends, I'm there for them as much as I can be.
I ask after them, and their children when poorly and even send flowers when they are dealing with grief.
I'm not in their face, or needy. I know when to be there and when not to be there.
But I expect the same back, and it doesn't seem to be available.
So, I need to work out how to find someone, or a couple of people, who are able to give AND take. Not just take.
I want someone who looks at me as a child would a new friend.
With baggage, looks, appearance not meaning a thing or being important at all.
If you have any tips for making new friends, and keeping those friendships going, to be featured in follow up blog posts then please email me. firstname.lastname@example.org